while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
