All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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