You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
