Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize