That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
