i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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