I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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