we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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