in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Someone came in the potted fern
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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