So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize