I'm sorry my penis didn't work
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
