All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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