What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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