I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
