she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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