I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
