he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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