thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
smell my finger.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
