dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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