im drinking this country out of the recession.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
