I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
