I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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