woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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