He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
