your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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