I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
