...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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