he thought i was a dude.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
