she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
