you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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