wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
