she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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