I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You pole danced in your parka.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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