Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
