Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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