aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
