when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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