I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
