Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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