You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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