Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
