he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
