Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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