Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
