Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
