What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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