So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
