I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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