please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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