She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
