apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
