I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I deserve this hangover.
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