): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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