glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
