that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
