remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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