my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
