Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
