Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
