ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
