Ketchup is God's man juice
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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