If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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