Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
