so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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