well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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