I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We need to get me chipped asap
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
