He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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